So I've been out with this girl twice now, dinner and then dinner plus a movie. In case I didn't portray her as perhaps spoiled by all the attention she gets, she told me that she's had countless guys approach her and tell her that they could pay her bills for her, etc.
We were supposed to do something tonight, and when I asked her over for dinner she replied that she wasn't ready for the "house thing" yet. We've been out twice already, is this girl in high school? So I planned on cancelling on her today, as I am not feeling it. Not cancel on her all together, just for tonight.
She called me at midnight last night (I didn't answer the phone) and again this morning to tell me that at church last night (she's all about some late night church) her pastor told her that "a white man is going to help her do something" (she's black). So she claims she thought of me first and called me all excited over what kind of help she was going to be getting.
By the end of the conversation she asked me to go Christmas shopping with her.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Cameroon Queen
One of the last girls I dated from match.com before I left Charlotte we'll call Phoebe. As with Andy, Phoebe had stunningly beautiful pictures posted on her profile page and I thought surely someone else would beat me to the punch. I started off sending her a quick, witty note and soon after I asked for her #. Home girl did NOT HAVE A CELL PHONE, which I found to be absolutely awesome in this day and age. So I called her on her home phone where she lived with her sister and her sister's husband.
We spoke for nearly 2 hours on the phone the first time, mostly of her upbringing in West Africa. I was utterly bedazzled by her apparent meager childhood. She went to a Catholic boarding school that had no running water. She would have to get up at something like 5:00 every morning to build a fire in order to heat the iron in order to iron her clothes for the day. When I asked her what restaurants around town she liked she replied "I don't know, I like that one that's called…Showmars?" Evidently she never ate out and hardly went out, scraping everything she made from her part time job to finance going to community college in order to become a nurse. Her sister was a chiropractor and her brother-in-law worked for IBM, both very intelligent. They lived in a gorgeous 3,500 sq ft house. And none of her sister's success seemed to spoil Phoebe.
After speaking on the phone several times I picked Phoebe up at her house (she asked me to come on in while she was finishing getting ready upstairs alone, evidently she had no fear of meeting the wrong person online) and we went to a low key sushi bar. While we were waiting outside a black man came up grinning ear to ear and shook my hand, I can only assume because I was a white man unafraid to date a black girl. Phoebe never had sushi before so it was quite an experience for her. Evidently she hadn't had a lot of American food before either, so that every time we went out she was turned onto something new ("Squid? Ewww, we don't eat squid where I'm from," referring to calamari).
She was very open, very honest and very humble. She went out with my friends and never voiced a single preference for anything other than what we were doing at the time. She was perhaps the easiest girl I ever dated, in the sense that I never stressed at all over where to go, what to do, whether she was having a good time or not, etc. She never asked me for (or made reference to me providing) a single, solitary thing.
However I soon found out that Phoebe's sister and brother-in-law were very strict when it came to spending the night with a man outside of marriage, and Phoebe was not allowed to spend the night with me. I began to tire of driving 35 minutes each way to pick her up and drop her off during the week, especially at 11:00 at night when I had to work the next day. Phoebe had 3 more years of school (1 more year of nursing and 2 years of school to become a physician's assistant) and I soon realized there was no way I could keep this up for 3 more years, and I broke it off.
I had never felt so guilty over breaking up with someone. I was mad at myself, mad at Phoebe for simply not being available to the degree I wanted her to be, and mad at her sister and brother-in-law for not letting her spend nights with me. Phoebe remains one of my all time favorite people I've ever had the privilege to know. She realized first hand what it was like to grow up in a land without the luxuries, entertainment and novelties that we take for granted in America. If only there were more like her in my own country.
We spoke for nearly 2 hours on the phone the first time, mostly of her upbringing in West Africa. I was utterly bedazzled by her apparent meager childhood. She went to a Catholic boarding school that had no running water. She would have to get up at something like 5:00 every morning to build a fire in order to heat the iron in order to iron her clothes for the day. When I asked her what restaurants around town she liked she replied "I don't know, I like that one that's called…Showmars?" Evidently she never ate out and hardly went out, scraping everything she made from her part time job to finance going to community college in order to become a nurse. Her sister was a chiropractor and her brother-in-law worked for IBM, both very intelligent. They lived in a gorgeous 3,500 sq ft house. And none of her sister's success seemed to spoil Phoebe.
After speaking on the phone several times I picked Phoebe up at her house (she asked me to come on in while she was finishing getting ready upstairs alone, evidently she had no fear of meeting the wrong person online) and we went to a low key sushi bar. While we were waiting outside a black man came up grinning ear to ear and shook my hand, I can only assume because I was a white man unafraid to date a black girl. Phoebe never had sushi before so it was quite an experience for her. Evidently she hadn't had a lot of American food before either, so that every time we went out she was turned onto something new ("Squid? Ewww, we don't eat squid where I'm from," referring to calamari).
She was very open, very honest and very humble. She went out with my friends and never voiced a single preference for anything other than what we were doing at the time. She was perhaps the easiest girl I ever dated, in the sense that I never stressed at all over where to go, what to do, whether she was having a good time or not, etc. She never asked me for (or made reference to me providing) a single, solitary thing.
However I soon found out that Phoebe's sister and brother-in-law were very strict when it came to spending the night with a man outside of marriage, and Phoebe was not allowed to spend the night with me. I began to tire of driving 35 minutes each way to pick her up and drop her off during the week, especially at 11:00 at night when I had to work the next day. Phoebe had 3 more years of school (1 more year of nursing and 2 years of school to become a physician's assistant) and I soon realized there was no way I could keep this up for 3 more years, and I broke it off.
I had never felt so guilty over breaking up with someone. I was mad at myself, mad at Phoebe for simply not being available to the degree I wanted her to be, and mad at her sister and brother-in-law for not letting her spend nights with me. Phoebe remains one of my all time favorite people I've ever had the privilege to know. She realized first hand what it was like to grow up in a land without the luxuries, entertainment and novelties that we take for granted in America. If only there were more like her in my own country.
The Stripper (#2)
I went out with this girl last night for the first time after meeting her at the mall while she cut my hair. Let's call her Daisy. When I first saw her I was immediately and fairly intensely attracted to her. She always wears hells, this time I think they were 4" heels, and she love-love-LOVES to show off her butt. She looks like she could be a makeup artist with the time she must spend putting on her face. Not that she needs it…just that she puts a lot of time into it. One of the thickest southern accents I've ever heard, she was born and raised near Raleigh.
She has a great personality, I mean great. I'm not a big talker most of the time, but I was more than happy to chit chat the night away while she cut my hair. She smiles and laughs a lot, and is fairly flirtatious. I could tell she was a good 10 years younger than me so I made no attempt to indicate I was interested in her. Maybe next time I thought.
I regretted not asking for her # when I was done, even if I was one of dozens of others who had before. So I decided immediately to return for my next haircut, which I did 3 weeks later. She remembered me and we started chatting away again as if we never left off. I asked her how old she was at one point and she wouldn't tell me, I took this as an indicator that she was interested. So after I paid I asked for her # which she wrote on a piece of paper.
I texted her about a week later, jokingly referring to something one of her ex boyfriends had said to her about having his baby. This ex boyfriend lived in Charlotte where my phone's area code is. She thought I was this ex boyfriend and responded back fairly harshly, calling me "Vick" and saying if she wasn't a Christian woman she would have cursed me up and down. I was pleased to have gotten such a rise out of her, and even though I was tempted to play on I decided to apologize except for the fact that my name was (my name) and not Vick.
She said she would call me back in a few minutes, and I thought "oh no, not the phone call" but I answered anyway. She is one of those types that likes to talk about pretty much nothing while she's driving, running errands, etc. She was picking up Chinese takeout and would briefly ask me to wait while she paid for the takeout, etc. I told her I was in the middle of watching Monday Night Football and would call her back sometime after 18 excruciating minutes of this. She didn't appear too offended, and I texted her the next day.
We texted for a couple of days before scheduling our first date the following week. She said she really liked Italian so I made reservations at a place that came highly recommended by a coworker, except after seeing a picture at what was a fairly drab interior decided to change it to Maggiano's which (while having just average food) has a much better ambiance (hence the over-priced food). She doesn't drink which I found highly attractive (I favor those who are different from others), however she appeared to be a bit too sophisticated in her attire for my taste. She mentioned when she got in the car that had she known I was wearing jeans she would have dressed accordingly. I refrained from admitting that jeans are the only thing I wear other than athletic wear outside of work.
I must say that I had some of the most stimulating conversation I've ever had on a first date. Herpes. Voyeurism. Face lifts, botox, boob jobs. Dildos. Climaxes. Intimate details surrounding a swinger's party (at which she supposedly did not participate). And of course, crazy, psychotic ex-boyfriends. But all in a very entertaining, humorous mood. Other than that, she made it fairly clear that she expects gifts from her boyfriends. And that when someone "proposes" (as in proposing to be boyfriend/girlfriend) he had better come with flowers, etc.
Time flew. Maggiano's is evidently tight as hell when it comes to the heat bill, they turned down the heat around 9:30 and my legs were turning numb by the time we left. Which made the 25° weather outside all the more chilling.
As we walked to the car I looked back at South Point Mall and asked which stores she liked. "Express, Victoria's Secret, Nordstrom," she replied. "Ah, Nordstrom...of course. I haven't been to Victoria's Secret in ages," I replied. "Well I'm a 34 double D, a medium panty and I like boy shorts," she said. Evidently she WAS used to getting spoiled. Mental note made.
I drove her home, expecting not to have so much as a goodbye kiss after she stated at dinner that she won't kiss anybody that's not her boyfriend (she appeared fairly hard up for a boyfriend). When I opened my door to walk her up she looked at me with surprise and said "You're gonna walk all the way to my door in this cold?" I thought she was referring to the fact that I parked one row further away than needed (to avoid door dings to my car), so I said "oh I'm sorry did you want me to park closer?" Evidently she thought I was trying to come inside with her, which evidently wasn't happening (nor did it). I told her of course I would walk her to her door, which I did.
(Again I somehow manage to almost forget one of my main points)--So while we're pulling into her apartment complex she references something to the extent of having been a stripper at one time. For some reason it didn't register until I'm walking her to her door. "Did you mention that you used to be a stripper?" I asked her. She replied with something that I found hard to decipher, so I asked again, whispering so as to not let potential eaves droppers hear. "Yes" was the jist of her response. "Wow," I said. "The last girl I dated turned out to be a stripper, but I didn't know until after we started dating."
The only thing it left me wondering is if in fact she had actually stopped stripping. Some strippers make really good money, and it's extremely rare someone gives up making good money in the absence of replacing it with something (or some one) else.
She has a great personality, I mean great. I'm not a big talker most of the time, but I was more than happy to chit chat the night away while she cut my hair. She smiles and laughs a lot, and is fairly flirtatious. I could tell she was a good 10 years younger than me so I made no attempt to indicate I was interested in her. Maybe next time I thought.
I regretted not asking for her # when I was done, even if I was one of dozens of others who had before. So I decided immediately to return for my next haircut, which I did 3 weeks later. She remembered me and we started chatting away again as if we never left off. I asked her how old she was at one point and she wouldn't tell me, I took this as an indicator that she was interested. So after I paid I asked for her # which she wrote on a piece of paper.
I texted her about a week later, jokingly referring to something one of her ex boyfriends had said to her about having his baby. This ex boyfriend lived in Charlotte where my phone's area code is. She thought I was this ex boyfriend and responded back fairly harshly, calling me "Vick" and saying if she wasn't a Christian woman she would have cursed me up and down. I was pleased to have gotten such a rise out of her, and even though I was tempted to play on I decided to apologize except for the fact that my name was (my name) and not Vick.
She said she would call me back in a few minutes, and I thought "oh no, not the phone call" but I answered anyway. She is one of those types that likes to talk about pretty much nothing while she's driving, running errands, etc. She was picking up Chinese takeout and would briefly ask me to wait while she paid for the takeout, etc. I told her I was in the middle of watching Monday Night Football and would call her back sometime after 18 excruciating minutes of this. She didn't appear too offended, and I texted her the next day.
We texted for a couple of days before scheduling our first date the following week. She said she really liked Italian so I made reservations at a place that came highly recommended by a coworker, except after seeing a picture at what was a fairly drab interior decided to change it to Maggiano's which (while having just average food) has a much better ambiance (hence the over-priced food). She doesn't drink which I found highly attractive (I favor those who are different from others), however she appeared to be a bit too sophisticated in her attire for my taste. She mentioned when she got in the car that had she known I was wearing jeans she would have dressed accordingly. I refrained from admitting that jeans are the only thing I wear other than athletic wear outside of work.
I must say that I had some of the most stimulating conversation I've ever had on a first date. Herpes. Voyeurism. Face lifts, botox, boob jobs. Dildos. Climaxes. Intimate details surrounding a swinger's party (at which she supposedly did not participate). And of course, crazy, psychotic ex-boyfriends. But all in a very entertaining, humorous mood. Other than that, she made it fairly clear that she expects gifts from her boyfriends. And that when someone "proposes" (as in proposing to be boyfriend/girlfriend) he had better come with flowers, etc.
Time flew. Maggiano's is evidently tight as hell when it comes to the heat bill, they turned down the heat around 9:30 and my legs were turning numb by the time we left. Which made the 25° weather outside all the more chilling.
As we walked to the car I looked back at South Point Mall and asked which stores she liked. "Express, Victoria's Secret, Nordstrom," she replied. "Ah, Nordstrom...of course. I haven't been to Victoria's Secret in ages," I replied. "Well I'm a 34 double D, a medium panty and I like boy shorts," she said. Evidently she WAS used to getting spoiled. Mental note made.
I drove her home, expecting not to have so much as a goodbye kiss after she stated at dinner that she won't kiss anybody that's not her boyfriend (she appeared fairly hard up for a boyfriend). When I opened my door to walk her up she looked at me with surprise and said "You're gonna walk all the way to my door in this cold?" I thought she was referring to the fact that I parked one row further away than needed (to avoid door dings to my car), so I said "oh I'm sorry did you want me to park closer?" Evidently she thought I was trying to come inside with her, which evidently wasn't happening (nor did it). I told her of course I would walk her to her door, which I did.
(Again I somehow manage to almost forget one of my main points)--So while we're pulling into her apartment complex she references something to the extent of having been a stripper at one time. For some reason it didn't register until I'm walking her to her door. "Did you mention that you used to be a stripper?" I asked her. She replied with something that I found hard to decipher, so I asked again, whispering so as to not let potential eaves droppers hear. "Yes" was the jist of her response. "Wow," I said. "The last girl I dated turned out to be a stripper, but I didn't know until after we started dating."
The only thing it left me wondering is if in fact she had actually stopped stripping. Some strippers make really good money, and it's extremely rare someone gives up making good money in the absence of replacing it with something (or some one) else.
The Blogger
One of the first online girls I went out with after moving to Raleigh we'll call Andy. This one posted stunning pictures, I thought for sure that she would be scooped up by someone long before I ever got a chance to date her. I approached her online with a short note with a reference to her profile. She responded soon after, and soon after that I had her # and we were texting back and forth a dozen times a day.
She worked from home writing blogs and a series of children's books after dropping out of school sometime ago. She was very intelligent and very well mannered. I believe it was her who proposed going out soon, rather than waste time with back-and-forth texting/emailing and I had to hide my excitement when I accepted.
She suggested a very good Indian restaurant, to which I gave bonus points because it suggested she had a degree of sophistication (not all people truly enjoy Indian). The restaurant was very nice, white table cloths, an extensive wine list. I'm no wine connoisseur and rarely drink when eating out but when she mentioned wine I decided to get a bottle. The wine aided the conversation, not that she was difficult to get to talk, but I asked a lot of questions to keep the convo flowing. We talked mostly about food--local restaurants & cooking. She appeared very proud to say that her parents had been together for 40+ years, and I (perhaps mistakenly) took this as a sign that she was interested in something long term.
We finished dinner, which was fabulous, and when the check came she offered to pay for half. Never before and never since have I met a girl who offered to contribute toward the bill on a date (aside from past relationships). Bonus points in her favor once again (I was losing track of them). I declined, offering to allow her the opportunity in the future, "if she were lucky." We walked outside, said goodbye and headed our separate ways (no hug, no kiss on the cheek, etc).
When I arrived home (still under the influence of half a bottle of wine) I texted her to say I enjoyed dinner. She replied back and said the same. "Arriba!" I thought, things were going well.
We continued our stream of seamless texting, soon scheduling a second sequence, this time at a Thai restaurant of her choosing. We chatted amicably once again, and again went our separate ways afterwards (some of the best Thai I've had in years by the way--Sawasdee near Crabtree Mall). When I got home she had texted an apology for being "out of it." I took this to mean that she had wanted a kiss goodnight (who knows for sure).
The next day Andy texted me asking if I was interested in just being friends, as there didn't appear to be any chemistry between us. I felt I had to act fast, and by noon the next day drafted a 12-line poem about her (sent via text of course). She appeared mildly interested.
We scheduled a third date, this time at a sushi restaurant that she had been wanting to check out. I finally insisted that I pick her up, which she had turned down the prior 2 occassions. "I've never had someone so persistent in picking me up, lol," she said. "And I've never gone out with someone 3 times without picking them up," I replied. So she consented, and I did. I decided to progress things to the next level (whichever level that is) by taking her somewhere after dinner. Following dinner (Waraji in Raleigh, not as good as other local sushi) I asked her if she'd like to catch a movie. She didn't appear too interested. "How about a game of pool?" "Okay," she replied. I knew of only one pool hall in town, the one located one block from my apartment. So I parked at my apartment and we shot 2-3 games of pool, drinking 3 pints of Cider. It went pretty well, she started to loosen up as did I, talking some smack back and forth.
After shooting pool I asked her if she'd like to see my apartment, and she came up. We chatted on the couch for an hour or so before she mentioned it was getting late, so I went ahead and took her home. I finally got a good night kiss in the car, and thought things were finally going to plan.
We began to escalate our affectionate references to each other over text ("baby," etc) in the next few days, and I thought the 4th date would build upon the progress I had made with the 3rd date. However, the morning of what would have been the 4th date she bailed, stating she was "stressed" due to her upcoming move, her work load and an upcoming trip to the west coast. I felt rejected, that she either had second thoughts or else there was someone else in the picture. I didn't text her for a week, and she didn't either.
Adding to my suspicions about her was the fact that she would not agree to talk on the phone. "It makes me antsy" was her reason. As I have said before, I avoid talking on the phone at all reasonable cost. However I there comes a point when it is useful for advancing a budding relationship, particularly in the early stages. I was pretty sure at that point that she was one sketchy individual.
When I finally did text her again, I took things back to where they were in the beginning in terms of formality, etc. No more "baby" talk. She responded, and we began texting 2-3 times a day to say "hi, how are you." I didn't mention any future dates, etc, just chit-chat over the next couple of weeks.
I've all but given up on her now, partly convinced that she has issues that are far from my best interest, partly because I'm afraid of being rejected again. She invited me (with a "maybe") to dinner at her new apartment when she gets back from the West Coast, we will see.
In any case, I value this experience because of its lessons in persistence and optimism. You truly never know what will come of any experience, so it's best to enjoy them all as much as you can. Be positive, be friendly to the one you're with or the one you're pursuing. Never let your guard down, never give up. She may not go home with you, she may not like you, she may have a live-in ex boyfriend.
This brings up Rule #7: Never give up on a date you're interested in and never lose her contact info. There will come a time when she will be interested in seeing you again. Keep in touch, even if it's to just say "Hi, how are you?" In the meantime, build your arsenal by going out with as many others and have as much fun as you can.
She worked from home writing blogs and a series of children's books after dropping out of school sometime ago. She was very intelligent and very well mannered. I believe it was her who proposed going out soon, rather than waste time with back-and-forth texting/emailing and I had to hide my excitement when I accepted.
She suggested a very good Indian restaurant, to which I gave bonus points because it suggested she had a degree of sophistication (not all people truly enjoy Indian). The restaurant was very nice, white table cloths, an extensive wine list. I'm no wine connoisseur and rarely drink when eating out but when she mentioned wine I decided to get a bottle. The wine aided the conversation, not that she was difficult to get to talk, but I asked a lot of questions to keep the convo flowing. We talked mostly about food--local restaurants & cooking. She appeared very proud to say that her parents had been together for 40+ years, and I (perhaps mistakenly) took this as a sign that she was interested in something long term.
We finished dinner, which was fabulous, and when the check came she offered to pay for half. Never before and never since have I met a girl who offered to contribute toward the bill on a date (aside from past relationships). Bonus points in her favor once again (I was losing track of them). I declined, offering to allow her the opportunity in the future, "if she were lucky." We walked outside, said goodbye and headed our separate ways (no hug, no kiss on the cheek, etc).
When I arrived home (still under the influence of half a bottle of wine) I texted her to say I enjoyed dinner. She replied back and said the same. "Arriba!" I thought, things were going well.
We continued our stream of seamless texting, soon scheduling a second sequence, this time at a Thai restaurant of her choosing. We chatted amicably once again, and again went our separate ways afterwards (some of the best Thai I've had in years by the way--Sawasdee near Crabtree Mall). When I got home she had texted an apology for being "out of it." I took this to mean that she had wanted a kiss goodnight (who knows for sure).
The next day Andy texted me asking if I was interested in just being friends, as there didn't appear to be any chemistry between us. I felt I had to act fast, and by noon the next day drafted a 12-line poem about her (sent via text of course). She appeared mildly interested.
We scheduled a third date, this time at a sushi restaurant that she had been wanting to check out. I finally insisted that I pick her up, which she had turned down the prior 2 occassions. "I've never had someone so persistent in picking me up, lol," she said. "And I've never gone out with someone 3 times without picking them up," I replied. So she consented, and I did. I decided to progress things to the next level (whichever level that is) by taking her somewhere after dinner. Following dinner (Waraji in Raleigh, not as good as other local sushi) I asked her if she'd like to catch a movie. She didn't appear too interested. "How about a game of pool?" "Okay," she replied. I knew of only one pool hall in town, the one located one block from my apartment. So I parked at my apartment and we shot 2-3 games of pool, drinking 3 pints of Cider. It went pretty well, she started to loosen up as did I, talking some smack back and forth.
After shooting pool I asked her if she'd like to see my apartment, and she came up. We chatted on the couch for an hour or so before she mentioned it was getting late, so I went ahead and took her home. I finally got a good night kiss in the car, and thought things were finally going to plan.
We began to escalate our affectionate references to each other over text ("baby," etc) in the next few days, and I thought the 4th date would build upon the progress I had made with the 3rd date. However, the morning of what would have been the 4th date she bailed, stating she was "stressed" due to her upcoming move, her work load and an upcoming trip to the west coast. I felt rejected, that she either had second thoughts or else there was someone else in the picture. I didn't text her for a week, and she didn't either.
Adding to my suspicions about her was the fact that she would not agree to talk on the phone. "It makes me antsy" was her reason. As I have said before, I avoid talking on the phone at all reasonable cost. However I there comes a point when it is useful for advancing a budding relationship, particularly in the early stages. I was pretty sure at that point that she was one sketchy individual.
When I finally did text her again, I took things back to where they were in the beginning in terms of formality, etc. No more "baby" talk. She responded, and we began texting 2-3 times a day to say "hi, how are you." I didn't mention any future dates, etc, just chit-chat over the next couple of weeks.
I've all but given up on her now, partly convinced that she has issues that are far from my best interest, partly because I'm afraid of being rejected again. She invited me (with a "maybe") to dinner at her new apartment when she gets back from the West Coast, we will see.
In any case, I value this experience because of its lessons in persistence and optimism. You truly never know what will come of any experience, so it's best to enjoy them all as much as you can. Be positive, be friendly to the one you're with or the one you're pursuing. Never let your guard down, never give up. She may not go home with you, she may not like you, she may have a live-in ex boyfriend.
This brings up Rule #7: Never give up on a date you're interested in and never lose her contact info. There will come a time when she will be interested in seeing you again. Keep in touch, even if it's to just say "Hi, how are you?" In the meantime, build your arsenal by going out with as many others and have as much fun as you can.
The Stripper (#1)
I'm going to start with this date first, it offers some good lessons as well as some interesting aspects as well as humor. We'll call this girl Cyan. I met Cyan on match.com in Charlotte, she was a cute looking girl with petite build (about 5'4, 95 lb). Soon after I messaged her she responded back and appeared very pleasant and intelligent. She was 22 and about to finish her bachelor's degree.
After just 2-3 online messages she asked for my phone number and said not to worry, she didn't bite. So I gave it to her even though (at that time) I avoided talking on the phone at all costs. She soon called but I didn't answer, electing to call her back the next day (Saturday). I was driving around town running errands when I did, and we spent a good hour or so on the phone, interrupted periodically when I had to talk to someone while doing my errands. She was very nice on the phone, and we decided to meet for dinner the following Monday night.
She proposed meeting at McCormick & Schmidt's at South Park Mall which was close to her work. My first reaction was something along the lines of "gold digger" as she was a student and more than likely would not be offering to contribute toward the expense, and McCormick & Schmidt is not cheap. But I was interested in her and I agreed.
She was 30 minutes late. I literally checked my watch after 25 minutes and decided to wait 5 more minutes before leaving. She had called to say she was running late because she had her nails done. So she pulls into the parking lot as I waited on the curb, and we went inside. This was Memorial Day and the restaurant was closing early at 9:00 (it was 8:30). So we went directly next door to some southwest restaurant. Dinner was good, the conversation was good and flowed easily. The restaurant was going to close soon and we were a bit hurried out, and I walked her to her car expecting that to be the end of the night. She said she really liked talking to me and would like to continue our date somewhere else. I knew of a neighborhood pub nearby, and we headed over there. It was closed. I mentioned that the pub across the parking lot appeared to be open, and she suggested we go to my place, and I consented. It was around 10:30 at this point.
We sat on my couch and talked until sometime past midnight. I was tired and wanted to go to bed and told her as much and invited her (blankly) if she would like to stay the night. She said yes, and we went upstairs and brushed our teeth (I had a spare toothbrush for her) and hopped in bed together.
That was by far the easiest first night hookup I've ever had with an online date. Later I would find that she was in fact a gold digger, but perhaps worse she would criticize me for doing things (or refraining from doing things) which she thought were more appropriate. Long story short, the relationship ended when we had a makeup date planned (after a falling out), 1 hour before which she stated she was going by the mall first. I told her to go ahead, I would meet her at dinner when she was ready. When I confirmed that "no," in fact I did not want to go shopping with her, she accused me of being selfish and sent 17 consecutive texts over night without a single response from me.
Oh, how could I forget--she was all about being honest and informed me after the first week that she was a stripper. She had a second phone strictly for her customers to call so that she could appear available and interested in them in order to get more business. She constantly tried to get me to visit her at the club (I abhor strip clubs) as well. It was fun while it lasted ( :
After just 2-3 online messages she asked for my phone number and said not to worry, she didn't bite. So I gave it to her even though (at that time) I avoided talking on the phone at all costs. She soon called but I didn't answer, electing to call her back the next day (Saturday). I was driving around town running errands when I did, and we spent a good hour or so on the phone, interrupted periodically when I had to talk to someone while doing my errands. She was very nice on the phone, and we decided to meet for dinner the following Monday night.
She proposed meeting at McCormick & Schmidt's at South Park Mall which was close to her work. My first reaction was something along the lines of "gold digger" as she was a student and more than likely would not be offering to contribute toward the expense, and McCormick & Schmidt is not cheap. But I was interested in her and I agreed.
She was 30 minutes late. I literally checked my watch after 25 minutes and decided to wait 5 more minutes before leaving. She had called to say she was running late because she had her nails done. So she pulls into the parking lot as I waited on the curb, and we went inside. This was Memorial Day and the restaurant was closing early at 9:00 (it was 8:30). So we went directly next door to some southwest restaurant. Dinner was good, the conversation was good and flowed easily. The restaurant was going to close soon and we were a bit hurried out, and I walked her to her car expecting that to be the end of the night. She said she really liked talking to me and would like to continue our date somewhere else. I knew of a neighborhood pub nearby, and we headed over there. It was closed. I mentioned that the pub across the parking lot appeared to be open, and she suggested we go to my place, and I consented. It was around 10:30 at this point.
We sat on my couch and talked until sometime past midnight. I was tired and wanted to go to bed and told her as much and invited her (blankly) if she would like to stay the night. She said yes, and we went upstairs and brushed our teeth (I had a spare toothbrush for her) and hopped in bed together.
That was by far the easiest first night hookup I've ever had with an online date. Later I would find that she was in fact a gold digger, but perhaps worse she would criticize me for doing things (or refraining from doing things) which she thought were more appropriate. Long story short, the relationship ended when we had a makeup date planned (after a falling out), 1 hour before which she stated she was going by the mall first. I told her to go ahead, I would meet her at dinner when she was ready. When I confirmed that "no," in fact I did not want to go shopping with her, she accused me of being selfish and sent 17 consecutive texts over night without a single response from me.
Oh, how could I forget--she was all about being honest and informed me after the first week that she was a stripper. She had a second phone strictly for her customers to call so that she could appear available and interested in them in order to get more business. She constantly tried to get me to visit her at the club (I abhor strip clubs) as well. It was fun while it lasted ( :
Lessons Learned So Far
I'll start with a few general lessons I've learned so far. My dating experience has been almost entirely limited to girls I've met online (match.com and plenty of fish). When I first went online I thought "WOW, look at how many attractive girls there are, surely I'll have a date lined up every night of the week!" Over the next months I grew increasingly frustrated at how little action I got, in terms of responses from girls that I wrote emails to or "winked at" (match.com). It soon became apparent that it was precisely BECAUSE there are so many available boys online that these girls had become spoiled; rather than put any effort into dating one or more boys, most girls were seemingly waiting for "The One" to magically appear, say all the right things, and sweep them off their feet.
So over time, I arrived at my first rule, Rule #1: Maintain persistence at ALL times. Whatever your personal style is, stay with it and keep at it. Don't get discouraged, don't take time off of whichever site(s) you use, don't get bitter and don't ever, ever ignore potential dates that contact you. I can't stress this one enough…as much as we all want to think that we can idly wait around for that special someone to contact US, it doesn't appear to work that way. Take it upon yourself to be the one to make things happen, just like anything else in life the more you invest, the more return you'll receive.
I also soon arrived at one of my personal rules, Rule #2: Don't ever send winks, send short notes soliciting a response (so as to not inundate someone with too much reading or requiring too lengthy of a response; remember the KISS rule) and try to include something in the note that refers to the person's profile--brownie points are typically awarded to those who read profiles.
Rule #3: Don't be afraid to send someone a second note if they haven't replied to your first (or last) note. Remember Rule #1 (persistence), the receiver of your first note may not have been feeling up to the stress and pressure associated with this whole online dating thing. Try again and you'll increase your rate of success!
Rule #4: Keep things moving forward, all the time. Don't be afraid to mention meeting up sometime soon after making initial contact. While I never mention meeting up in the first note, I am not afraid to mention it after I've gotten 2 responses from someone (something like "hey, you seem pretty cool and down to earth, wanna meet up sometime?"). You don't want to get mired in an endless stream of back and forth emails or text messages. Often I will ask a girl out without getting her phone number first.
Keep in mind there are a lot of girls out there who are new to this and have never so much as met someone (from online) in person, so don't be discouraged if they don't appear to be that interested in meeting. Act like it's not a big deal, suggest meeting for coffee, and suggest that--much like a job interview--it's always great practice to meet someone on a blind date.
Rule #5: Be yourself. While I generally think most girls want someone to charm their pants off (no pun intended) on the first date, I acknowledge that this is not my nature. Therefore while I may sense that my conversation may not lead to a good night kiss (or more) with a girl, I do feel much more relaxed and at ease, and in turn this will help your date feel more comfortable.
Rule #6: This one cannot be emphasized enough--never insult or otherwise disrespect someone. All of us guys are truly in this together. More than likely you've seen one of the many negative profiles a lot of girls post indicating they've been mistreated in the past. The guys that do this are making it harder for the rest of us. If you make contact with someone and it doesn't work out, ALWAYS thank them for their time and wish them luck, no matter how frustrated or discouraged you may be. You WILL be a better person as a result, and this will attract others to you!
So over time, I arrived at my first rule, Rule #1: Maintain persistence at ALL times. Whatever your personal style is, stay with it and keep at it. Don't get discouraged, don't take time off of whichever site(s) you use, don't get bitter and don't ever, ever ignore potential dates that contact you. I can't stress this one enough…as much as we all want to think that we can idly wait around for that special someone to contact US, it doesn't appear to work that way. Take it upon yourself to be the one to make things happen, just like anything else in life the more you invest, the more return you'll receive.
I also soon arrived at one of my personal rules, Rule #2: Don't ever send winks, send short notes soliciting a response (so as to not inundate someone with too much reading or requiring too lengthy of a response; remember the KISS rule) and try to include something in the note that refers to the person's profile--brownie points are typically awarded to those who read profiles.
Rule #3: Don't be afraid to send someone a second note if they haven't replied to your first (or last) note. Remember Rule #1 (persistence), the receiver of your first note may not have been feeling up to the stress and pressure associated with this whole online dating thing. Try again and you'll increase your rate of success!
Rule #4: Keep things moving forward, all the time. Don't be afraid to mention meeting up sometime soon after making initial contact. While I never mention meeting up in the first note, I am not afraid to mention it after I've gotten 2 responses from someone (something like "hey, you seem pretty cool and down to earth, wanna meet up sometime?"). You don't want to get mired in an endless stream of back and forth emails or text messages. Often I will ask a girl out without getting her phone number first.
Keep in mind there are a lot of girls out there who are new to this and have never so much as met someone (from online) in person, so don't be discouraged if they don't appear to be that interested in meeting. Act like it's not a big deal, suggest meeting for coffee, and suggest that--much like a job interview--it's always great practice to meet someone on a blind date.
Rule #5: Be yourself. While I generally think most girls want someone to charm their pants off (no pun intended) on the first date, I acknowledge that this is not my nature. Therefore while I may sense that my conversation may not lead to a good night kiss (or more) with a girl, I do feel much more relaxed and at ease, and in turn this will help your date feel more comfortable.
Rule #6: This one cannot be emphasized enough--never insult or otherwise disrespect someone. All of us guys are truly in this together. More than likely you've seen one of the many negative profiles a lot of girls post indicating they've been mistreated in the past. The guys that do this are making it harder for the rest of us. If you make contact with someone and it doesn't work out, ALWAYS thank them for their time and wish them luck, no matter how frustrated or discouraged you may be. You WILL be a better person as a result, and this will attract others to you!
Introduction
With this being my first blog entry, it seems logical to provide a statement of purpose. Having recently relocated to the Raleigh area and dated several girls found mainly through match.com and Plenty of Fish, I feel like I have learned a little bit about the dating scene. So I hope to share my experiences here, both for humor as well as for lessons learned.
So without further ado…
So without further ado…
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