The Blogger

One of the first online girls I went out with after moving to Raleigh we'll call Andy. This one posted stunning pictures, I thought for sure that she would be scooped up by someone long before I ever got a chance to date her. I approached her online with a short note with a reference to her profile. She responded soon after, and soon after that I had her # and we were texting back and forth a dozen times a day.

She worked from home writing blogs and a series of children's books after dropping out of school sometime ago. She was very intelligent and very well mannered. I believe it was her who proposed going out soon, rather than waste time with back-and-forth texting/emailing and I had to hide my excitement when I accepted.

She suggested a very good Indian restaurant, to which I gave bonus points because it suggested she had a degree of sophistication (not all people truly enjoy Indian). The restaurant was very nice, white table cloths, an extensive wine list. I'm no wine connoisseur and rarely drink when eating out but when she mentioned wine I decided to get a bottle. The wine aided the conversation, not that she was difficult to get to talk, but I asked a lot of questions to keep the convo flowing. We talked mostly about food--local restaurants & cooking. She appeared very proud to say that her parents had been together for 40+ years, and I (perhaps mistakenly) took this as a sign that she was interested in something long term.

We finished dinner, which was fabulous, and when the check came she offered to pay for half. Never before and never since have I met a girl who offered to contribute toward the bill on a date (aside from past relationships). Bonus points in her favor once again (I was losing track of them). I declined, offering to allow her the opportunity in the future, "if she were lucky." We walked outside, said goodbye and headed our separate ways (no hug, no kiss on the cheek, etc).

When I arrived home (still under the influence of half a bottle of wine) I texted her to say I enjoyed dinner. She replied back and said the same. "Arriba!" I thought, things were going well.

We continued our stream of seamless texting, soon scheduling a second sequence, this time at a Thai restaurant of her choosing. We chatted amicably once again, and again went our separate ways afterwards (some of the best Thai I've had in years by the way--Sawasdee near Crabtree Mall). When I got home she had texted an apology for being "out of it." I took this to mean that she had wanted a kiss goodnight (who knows for sure).

The next day Andy texted me asking if I was interested in just being friends, as there didn't appear to be any chemistry between us. I felt I had to act fast, and by noon the next day drafted a 12-line poem about her (sent via text of course). She appeared mildly interested.

We scheduled a third date, this time at a sushi restaurant that she had been wanting to check out. I finally insisted that I pick her up, which she had turned down the prior 2 occassions. "I've never had someone so persistent in picking me up, lol," she said. "And I've never gone out with someone 3 times without picking them up," I replied. So she consented, and I did. I decided to progress things to the next level (whichever level that is) by taking her somewhere after dinner. Following dinner (Waraji in Raleigh, not as good as other local sushi) I asked her if she'd like to catch a movie. She didn't appear too interested. "How about a game of pool?" "Okay," she replied. I knew of only one pool hall in town, the one located one block from my apartment. So I parked at my apartment and we shot 2-3 games of pool, drinking 3 pints of Cider. It went pretty well, she started to loosen up as did I, talking some smack back and forth.

After shooting pool I asked her if she'd like to see my apartment, and she came up. We chatted on the couch for an hour or so before she mentioned it was getting late, so I went ahead and took her home. I finally got a good night kiss in the car, and thought things were finally going to plan.

We began to escalate our affectionate references to each other over text ("baby," etc) in the next few days, and I thought the 4th date would build upon the progress I had made with the 3rd date. However, the morning of what would have been the 4th date she bailed, stating she was "stressed" due to her upcoming move, her work load and an upcoming trip to the west coast. I felt rejected, that she either had second thoughts or else there was someone else in the picture. I didn't text her for a week, and she didn't either.

Adding to my suspicions about her was the fact that she would not agree to talk on the phone. "It makes me antsy" was her reason. As I have said before, I avoid talking on the phone at all reasonable cost. However I there comes a point when it is useful for advancing a budding relationship, particularly in the early stages. I was pretty sure at that point that she was one sketchy individual.

When I finally did text her again, I took things back to where they were in the beginning in terms of formality, etc. No more "baby" talk. She responded, and we began texting 2-3 times a day to say "hi, how are you." I didn't mention any future dates, etc, just chit-chat over the next couple of weeks.

I've all but given up on her now, partly convinced that she has issues that are far from my best interest, partly because I'm afraid of being rejected again. She invited me (with a "maybe") to dinner at her new apartment when she gets back from the West Coast, we will see.

In any case, I value this experience because of its lessons in persistence and optimism. You truly never know what will come of any experience, so it's best to enjoy them all as much as you can. Be positive, be friendly to the one you're with or the one you're pursuing. Never let your guard down, never give up. She may not go home with you, she may not like you, she may have a live-in ex boyfriend.


This brings up Rule #7: Never give up on a date you're interested in and never lose her contact info. There will come a time when she will be interested in seeing you again. Keep in touch, even if it's to just say "Hi, how are you?" In the meantime, build your arsenal by going out with as many others and have as much fun as you can.